February 8, 2013

  • Just Make Fucking Coffee Already

    I love Starbucks coffee.  And by that I mean the medium Pike Place Roast.  I like it that Starbucks is everywhere for the reason that chains make sense.  I can walk into a Starbucks in Miami or Boston or Omaha or Seattle and get the same coffee.  Except that Starbucks is getting weird on me.  I forgave them for the obnoxious Italian sizes (I always just order in English) and I forgave them for their ridiculous coffee drink menu (halfwhipskimlatteblahblah).  I could always get a dependable cup of coffee quickly.

    And then this summer they started the "blonde" coffee thing - what the fuck?!  You want light coffee?  Add some half and half to it like East Coast people.  I thought the pumpkin mocha chai (or whatever that shit is that isn't coffee) was the problem, but I think now that it really started downhill with the "blonde" roast coffee.

    And all of a sudden I sometimes have difficulty getting Pike Place Roast.  You know, the ORIGINAL coffee.  The one they are KNOWN for.

    I used to be able to walk in, order a medium Pike Place and be out of there before the skimwhipmocha lady's drink was even started.  But several times now I am told, "I'm sorry.  We don't have any of that brewed."

    What the fuck, Starbucks?  You're losing me here.  I get that you make more money off the other shit, but your heart and soul, your BASIS was always your Pike Place Roast (which I LOVE).  I defended you against all my friends who rail about you.  I resolutely carry my Starbucks mug (in ceramic so I don't have to touch plastic with my lips! I love it!) and get it refilled many times a week.

    I'm about ready to carry my Starbuck's mug into the local coffee shop and try to figure out which organic/green/fair trade blend is a medium roast.  Mother fucker.  Can I just get a coffee around here?

Comments (2)

  • Give that woman some coffee! Quick! haha.

    I'm annoyed that I can't get dark roast in the afternoon because they only brew it in the morning. I mean, I CAN get it in the afternoon... if I want to wait for a special drip. But it makes me feel like some kind of freak to order dark roast after 3pm.

  • I heard that the Department of Homeland Security is buying up all the Pike Place roast, and now it's so scarce, only The Man has access to it.

    Sorry.  Too many conspiracy theory feeds rolling through Facebook these days.  I got caught up there for a moment...

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