It has been one of the absolutely strangest weeks.

The part that is easy to explain (believe it or not) is that my daughter's friend committed suicide by jumping off a downtown building on Sunday night. She found out Monday at school. She goes to a small liberal arts focus high school of about 90 kids and they are pretty close. The part that freaks me out the most is that M was with her friend on Sunday night about an hour and a half before she killed herself. The child had a long, long history of depression and was receiving treatment. She had just been hospitalized and released. Monday evening was pretty stressful for all of us. M wanted to be with her friends and I wanted her to be at home. My son was uncomfortable about the whole thing.

The weird part about Monday is the continuing contrast between my professional life and my personal life. I found out Monday morning that I was selected for an advocacy award and then there was some strangeness at court with my husband who was late to a hearing and caused me a lot of alarm (I was there for my own client's hearing). We're separated, but still close. He practices law out of the dining room of our house (He lost his job in February and has been unable to find a new job. He has 2 cases and is getting paid for one. I don't know. It's complicated. And seems private? But it's a huge part of my problem right now. His mental health has taken him away from me and I feel like I made decisions about my life based on being a partner with him and the terms of the contract changed and I got no say in that. Would I feel this angry and sad if he developed cancer? or MS?). I brought him dinner Sunday night and knew that he was upset (about Lou Reed this time). When he didn't show up in court Monday morning I worried he had killed himself (he's attempted twice already). We had a sad exchange and then later when I learned about M's friend's suicide he made some really inappropriate comments. So on Monday evening I was parenting my kids by myself and trying to prepare for a hearing on Tuesday and felt incredibly lonely. The marriage contract included terms like, talk to me about my day (he doesn't even know I got an award), do the dinner dishes with me, listen to my concerns about the kids and the world and the crazy stuff that happens. And it's all complicated by the fact that I love him and worry about him very much. Sometimes I see a shadow of the man I knew and I guess that is why I stay connected. I have no desire to get divorced but living separately allows me to have some peaceful space. Monday I was reminded how much I need that space.

It felt like an absolute miracle that we all made it to bed by 10 and that everything got done that needed to get done - homework, hearing prep, dinner, candlelight vigil - and really it is the normal everyday stuff that gets us through tough days, I think.

It was a crowded DC bar. My friends and I were sharing a beer after a long day of collaboration on an educational program. A tall waiter wearing a black shirt and pants contrasted with a bright white, floor-length apron went by us.

"Oh my!" I said.

"You interested?" a man said to me with his amused eyes looking at me over the top of his beer glass.

It took me a second, but I realized that the man thought I was talking about the handsome waiter.

"I'm interested in a tray of oysters like that," I said.

He moved over to join us and the majority of my group took off. "Early flight!" they said as they left responsibly. Of course I had an early flight too, but suddenly I had a handsome man with gorgeous eyes who wanted to split a tray of oysters with me and buy me a beer.

He works for a human rights organization. Specifically he was working on the problem of diamond harvesting in Africa. He explained that he was getting ready to leave for a trip to write regulations for diamond buyers. We got into an argument about the efficacy of this and the ultimate problem with buying diamonds. Our twinkly eyes and smirky mouths cut the others in the group out and soon it was just me with an early flight and him with an early meeting. I suggested a trip to the monuments at night, which he discarded as touristy, but frankly he ended up enjoying himself. We agreed that the Korean War Memorial is at its best at night (super creepy). He told me I was beautiful. We walked slowly as early morning came and it was truly ridiculous for the two of us to still be up. He offered me a job and we exchanged cards.

I got back to Nebraska and had a very sweet email from him that included a Jack Kerouac poem.

Seriously, who needs a goddamn diamond.

I have worked for the same company for 16 years. Until last year I would have told you that my coworkers are amazing, easy going, and that my office environment was enviable.

Some stuff changed last year and there are some tensions in my office that was previously tension free. We never talk about that stuff. What we do talk about is the dietary stuff. You know, it used to be that we were a classic office when it came to food - boxes of donuts or bagels or cookies were devoured. Potlucks had crock pots of beef and cheese dip and little smokies. Not any more. We have someone who is gluten intolerent, 2 vegans, a diabetic and someone who can't eat dairy. Suddenly office treats and lunches are a HUGE deal. I have noticed that these two issues - the personality issues and the dietary issues both arose at the same time - as if the emotional issues manifest themselves with the dietary issues. We can't just order pizza anymore and make one a veggie. We also need one without cheese and one without sauce (sugar) and one that is gluten free. Today for Boss's Day (and I will note that the boss eats any gooddamn thing) we have a vegan cake (which, sorry, tastes horrible - I have had GOOD vegan cake and this is not that) and cookies that included THREE gluten free cookies (wtf) and the diabetic complained that she can't eat any of it.

I took a REAL cookie covered with frosting and sprinkles no less and took it back to my corner office away from the complainers and I ate every damn crumb.

Frank wanted to talk about the plot of a horror movie about a child abduction in great detail. I kept interrupting.

"Stop. I don't want to hear anything more. I am serious."
"It's just a movie, mom."
"I have enough to worry about without more ideas in my head."
"Like drowning," he said with a smile. He was teasing me about my greatest fear as a mother. That my children will drown.
We pulled into the drop off drive at school.
"Love you, mom," he said as he hopped out.
Oh man. I love you too. More than you can imagine yet. Let's see how you feel about kidnapping plotlines once you have kids of your own.